We talk a lot about healing, but we don’t always talk about where it happens.
Healing doesn’t just show up because we want it. It needs room. It needs safety. It needs softness and slowness. It needs a space where your nervous system can settle. A space where you can take a breath and let your shoulders fall without wondering if everything will fall apart around you.
Sometimes that space looks like a facial table and a warm towel. Sometimes it’s a quiet room with soft lighting, a heated mask, and someone asking how you’re doing—not just your skin. Sometimes it’s a massage that feels like exhale after weeks of holding everything in.
And it’s not always physical.
Sometimes the healing space is in your journal. In a long cry. In a walk with God. In a moment where you finally admit, “I’m not okay… but I want to be.”
Creating space to heal isn’t about pausing life forever. It’s about letting your body, your mind, and your spirit come up for air.
The truth is, healing doesn’t happen in pressure and noise. It happens in presence. When you finally give yourself permission to slow down, something begins to shift. You may not feel it all at once, but healing starts there—in that moment you say, “I want something different.”
And you don’t need to explain why you need it. You don’t need to apologize for taking it. You’re allowed to prioritize your healing without guilt.
If you’ve been carrying too much, stretching yourself thin, or moving on autopilot—this is your reminder: you deserve room to rest. To feel. To process. To be seen and supported. Even if you don’t have all the answers. Even if things still feel messy.
Healing doesn’t need perfection. It needs space.
So whether that space is here at Shinkah Beauty & Wellness or something sacred you create at home, keep making room for your healing.
It’s not selfish. It’s necessary. And it’s always worth it.
Beta-Glucan is one of skincare’s most powerful yet underrated ingredients — hydrating more deeply than hyaluronic acid, repairing the barrier, and calming inflammation. Learn how it works and who it’s for.
PDRN (Polydeoxyribonucleotide) is a biocompatible salmon-derived ingredient that rebuilds the extracellular matrix, stimulates collagen, and calms inflammation. Learn how it works and why it belongs in your skincare routine.
True skin resilience begins beneath the surface. This April, in honor of Rosacea Awareness Month and World Sarcoidosis Day, we’re diving into the clinical side of inflammation. Learn how to identify your unique triggers and why professional-grade protection is the ultimate tool for skin longevity.
Korean beauty, also known as K-Beauty, continues to shape the skincare and cosmetics world with innovation and intentionality. Let’s explore the top K-Beauty trends set to make waves in 2026—from sustainability and simplicity to high-tech skincare and hybrid global fusions.
Fall is here, and it’s the perfect time to refresh and renew—not just in life, but in your skincare routine too! 🍂 Chemical peels are a fantastic way to shed summer’s sun damage, revealing smoother, brighter skin for the cooler months ahead. In our latest blog post, we dive into the wellness benefits of chemical peels, why fall is the ideal season to get one, and how you can prepare your skin for a radiant glow all season long. Ready to learn more about the power of a peel? Click to read on!
We all know that self-care is important, but finding a routine that works for you can feel overwhelming. With so many options out there, it’s hard to know where to start. That’s why I’m sharing a simple yet effective self-care routine that you can adapt to your own needs and lifestyle. Whether you’ve got 5 minutes or 50, these tips will help you feel refreshed, relaxed, and glowing inside and out.
At Shinkah Beauty & Wellness, we believe beauty and wellness go beyond the skin. It’s about nurturing the mind and soul as well. Many of us struggle with conditional self-worth and anxiety around receiving compliments. If you’ve ever felt like your value is tied to your actions or felt uneasy when praised, you’re not alone. Let’s explore how to embrace your true worth and accept compliments with grace.
At Shinkah’s Beauty Bar, we understand the profound impact of your environment on your mental well-being. Constant exposure to a toxic environment can lead to increased stress and anxiety, erosion of self-esteem, and hindered personal growth. While leaving a toxic environment isn’t always immediately possible, practicing mindfulness, setting boundaries, and seeking support can help manage its effects. Remember, your mental health is crucial, and you deserve to thrive. Prioritize your well-being and reach out for support when needed. Let Shinkah’s Beauty Bar help you shine inside and out.
The Holistic Impact of Spa TreatmentsSpa treatments go beyond physical benefits, promoting whole body wellness. They can include a variety of therapies such as aromatherapy, hydrotherapy, and body scrubs, each offering unique benefits. These treatments can detoxify the body, rejuvenate the skin, and create a sense of deep relaxation and peace. By integrating spa treatments into your wellness routine, you support not only your physical health but also your mental and emotional well-being.
Here is a simple step-by-step tutorial for doing an at-home facial. All you need are a handful of products, which you already own, or can make yourself!
What exactly does this mean?
For a while, I didn't know myself but over time it began to reveal its meaning in and for my life. For me, it means living intentionally. It was finding and aligning with my purpose and allowing myself to live it out unapologetically. It's embracing imperfections and allowing room in your life for growth, grace, and self-love.
As a business, it means that we are focused on transforming the traditional standards of beauty by promoting grace, acceptance, and self-love. It's about taking small, meaningful steps towards embracing and celebrating individual beauty, both inside and out. At Shinkah's Beauty Bar, we aim to empower and inspire others to redefine beauty on their own terms.
How do you redefine beauty?
With grace, and in allowing yourself to be forgiven for your many shortcomings and learning to forgive and grace yourself. Beauty is a gift, no matter the capacity. It's definitely where my heart is but I never allowed myself room to grow in it. Self-criticism led to comparison and self-sabotage. It's frustrating to know what you should be doing but not doing it. I allowed fear to hold me back. There is so much beauty in being your most amazing and authentic self, doing what you were placed here to do and allowing grace and faith to lead your life. It's not just about makeup or skincare, it's about living in your purpose on purpose so that someone else inspired by your walk can be encouraged to walk in theirs.
In life, there may be times when negativity seems to surround you, suffocating your dreams and destroying your hope. When that happens, many go through their day being saturated with negativity and accepting it as a way of life. While you can’t always control what happens to you, you can control how you respond to it. Seek to create a positive environment for yourself and you’ll begin to become more motivated to achieve your dreams and goals. Here are 8 ways to stay motivated through hard times:
Visualize the results. Sometimes you have to keep your eyes on the prize. Staying focused is going to be your biggest helper.
Focus on your own goals. Set goals for yourself, whether in life or business or both and stay focused on that alone.
Remember your why. This goes back to staying focused on your own goals. Remember why you started and keep working to fulfil that goal.
Be Consistent. You should be working on your goals in some capacity every day.
Break down bigger goals into smaller ones. Sometimes big goals can make you feel overwhelmed so breaking them down into smaller, more realistic goals can help you stay motivated to keep going.
Get help when needed. Whether it’s talking with someone about your struggles or simply getting an accountability partner, having someone in your corner can be the push you need to keep moving forward.
See the big picture. This step goes hand in hand with numbers 1 and 3. Remembering why you started and visualizing the finish line can be the push you need to keep going. In seeing the big picture, see yourself finishing your goals and get excited about how accomplished you’ll feel after crushing it.
Resist the urge to compare and compete. Nobody can do what you do quite like you so resist the urge to compare your journey to someone else’s. What’s for you is for you and your process won’t look or be the same. The same goes for competition.
In the end, staying positive is the key to self-motivation. You may not feel like it everyday but going through a few of these steps each day can keep you on track to reach your goals. #GoalGetEm!
Black people are breaking barriers all over the beauty and fashion industries, and it's so lovely to see. To celebrate Black History month, we're focusing on the colossal growth and social importance of the Black beauty industry. Globally, black women invest over $4.8 billion on beauty products and services every year.
Women of color have a standout, multi-dimensional beauty that is all their own. However, it has not always been acknowledged in the mainstream. But thanks to a select group of melanin-poppin’ ladies who broke through the mirrored glass ceiling, the beauty industry has made giant strides in celebrating the diversity of beauty in all of its various hues, textures and forms. By challenging the status quo, these trail-blazing dames went on to change the game and emboldened others to do the same. Here, we take a look at the magnificent milestones of these groundbreaking women who broadcasted ‘Black is Beautiful’ on their own terms and redefined the way beauty is perceived on the whole. Let these boss queens be your endless source of inspiration, the beauty pioneers.
ANNIE MALONE
During the late 19th century, chemist & entrepreneur, Annie Malone discovered a way to chemically straighten textured hair without damaging the scalp and hair follicles. She went on to develop a range of hair care products such as her ‘Wonderful Hair Grower’. Malone hired three employees to execute her business plan, grow sales and help demonstrate how her products worked. During this time, racial discrimination was at a high and as black women were denied access to any traditional distribution systems, they were forced to sell products door-to-door. By 1910, distribution had expanded nationally.
EUNICE JOHNSON
In 1958, Eunice Johnson organised an annual fashion event for black Americans – the Ebony Travelling Fashion Fair.
Noticing a distinct lack of foundations for the black models attending the event she, along with the support of her husband, began creating cosmetics for the models in their shows.
In 1973 she launched Fashion Fair cosmetics, which has grown into the world’s largest black-owned beauty brand.
MADAM C.J. WALKER
The first self-made, female millionaire in America and a marketing magician, Madame C.J. Walker transformed every black woman’s beauty hair-care routine when she released ‘Madam Walker’s Wonderful Hair Grower’, which focused on preventing stress and hygiene related scalp disease. It has since been argued that this was a fraudulent imitation of her former co-worker, Annie Malone’s initial invention, however, this rose to great success and Walker would often state that “There is no royal flower strewn path to success. And if there is, I have not found it, for whatever success I have attained has been the result of much hard work and many sleepless nights.”
CHRISTINA JENKINS
In 1950 Christina Jenkins invented the hair weaving method, still used worldwide by millions of women. She received a patent for her techniques in 1951. Before Christina introduced this method, weaves were only very temporary and often attached to the natural hair with just pins. Jenkins’ method offered a long-term alternative for hair weaves and this changed the game for African-American hairstyling. Christina Jenkins set the foundations for today’s modern methods of hair weaving to develop.
Iman Mohamed Abdulmajid
Fashion model, actress and pioneer in the cosmetics industry for women of colour, Iman would often mix her own formulations for make-up artists to use on her. In 1994, Iman Cosmetics was born and remains one of the most successful beauty brands for dark skin worldwide. From the very beginning of her career in 1975, Iman challenged the notions of mainstream ‘beauty’, bringing black models and diversity to the forefront of the fashion and beauty industry.
There are sooo many more but this list would be endless. Celebrate the queens around you breaking barriers in their own way. You never know who might be next.
As a beauty brand owner, designing products is the best part of my job. If I had to pick a favorite product it would be lip products all day. With all the options currently on the market, choosing a formula that is right for you can get a bit overwhelming. Some are for moisturization, some for all day wear and there are others that provide nothing more than all day shine. Much like skincare, to choose what works for you, you will need to know your lip type. Are your lips dry a lot? You need to exfoliate and will want to use something that moisturizes. Your type can also depend on what season we’re currently in. Taking all of this into account, here’s a few formulas worth mentioning:
Crème - This type lives somewhere between a matte and a gloss and are highly pigmented. They tend to be hydrating, depending on the formula and provide full coverage yet smooth wear.
Matte – Matte lipsticks have become extremely popular over the years with several brands offering smudge-proof, waterproof and kiss-proof wear but they tend to be very drying without proper lip care. The upside is that they are long-lasting and are usually highly pigmented for full color payoff.
Gloss – If you like a shiny pout, glosses are for you. Usually, color isn’t as important although they come in both clear and shades. Another added alternative is to purchase a gloss-based lip plumper for the illusion of fuller, plumper lips.
Lip Crayons – A combination of a lipstick and a lip balm, this product comes in many formulas but is mostly creamy and soft in texture. The color payoff is subtle as it’s more about moisturization than it is pigmentation. Choose this for a fuss-free flush of color and hydration.
Knowing your lip type and the finish/texture of a lip product will greatly reduce the chances of you losing money by choosing products that don’t work for you. If you’re anything like me and love the idea of building collections, at least do so by knowing what you’re getting and the best way it can be worn.
Happy Shopping!
Hey guys! It's been a while since I've posted, and I'm so excited to get back into it! Let's talk about self-care...
I think that self-care is a timely topic because of all the crazy stuff going on in the media right now. There are a lot of people who don't understand how they can help their communities or the world—and that's okay! Sometimes the best thing you can do for your community is take care of yourself.
With everything going on in the world, we're constantly being told to give and give and give—and it truly is important that we keep our hearts open to others, that we reach out to people struggling with mental health issues, and that we stay informed about the world around us. We do need to take care of others, but we also need to take care of ourselves.
Self-care is one of those things that I struggled with for a long time. I had a really hard time putting myself first, and even harder time learning how to say no and setting necessary boundaries. And honestly, for a long time, I didn't focus on self-care because I didn't think I needed it or think it was important.
It wasn't until some pretty big life changes forced me to re-evaluate what was important to me and what my priorities were that I realized how much my lack of self-care had impacted my overall health and well-being.
I've heard people say, "You can't pour from an empty cup," and it seemed like such a cliche at the time, but now that I've spent some time focusing on this aspect of my life, I'm starting to see some big changes.
So, what does self-care look like? Well, that depends on who you are! It might mean finding something that brings you peace—a hobby, an activity, a passion—that centers you and gives your life purpose and meaning (and maybe even joy!). Maybe it's learning to say "no"—or more importantly, learning how to say "no" in love: how to set boundaries without making other people feel rejected or like they don't matter. Maybe it's taking care of your body or eating better or making time for prayer and personal bible study, or just meditating and having "quiet time."
And remember this isn't just about pampering! Self-care is about checking in with yourself and learning or understanding how you're feeling. It's checking in with yourself to ensure that your mind is healthy and asking the questions, how am I feeling or how am I doing because you really want to know and really taking a step back to listen for the answers. These check-ins should be performed regularly so that we're thriving through life instead of just surviving from day to day. You also shouldn't feel guilty for any of this. You NEED it!
Master and embrace the art of doing nothing. Especially in today's world, where we're inundated with news and images and opinions. Where the media is telling us we have to be #onALLthetime because if you aren't constantly posting selfies and pictures of your food, products and witty thoughts, no one will know you exist. And if you're not out there making yourself known to potential employers or influencers or whatever, you might as well just give up now. It's all a little overwhelming, isn't it? We need rest and resets. None of what you do is going to matter if you're burnt out. Take the time to center your life around what matters most and watch how much happier you become.
P.S. There’s an amazing Gratitude blog that’s full of information and encouragement for emotional well-being by an amazing writer named, Aarushi. To further support you in your self care journey, here’s a link to the blog post, 100 Self-Care Quotes to Give Yourself the Care You Deserve.
Talk soon,
One of the first steps to creating a skincare routine is determining your skin type. While this may sound confusing, it's actually pretty simple! If you already know what your skin type is, you can skip this section and move onto the next step (Yay!). If you're unsure of your skin type, don't fret; there are several ways to figure it out. Your skin type is just that: a category based on your genetics, age, geographic location, and other factors that determines how your skin looks and feels. Your skin type is different from your skin condition, which can include things like acne or rosacea. You could have a skin condition in addition to your particular skin type, but these conditions aren't always there. Your skin type is always there. The best way is to check with a dermatologist or your local Esthetician, who will perform an in-depth analysis of your skin and assess what kind of care it needs. You can also determine your skin type yourself—by looking at how your complexion reacts to a range of different products. For example, if you notice that certain products cause drying or irritation (or no effects at all), then that’s a good indication of what you should be looking for in skincare moving forward (i.e., dryness = hydrating products). There are five basic categories of skin types: normal, oily, dry, combination, and sensitive. It's possible that you might have more than one category of these skin types in different parts of your face (like an oily T-zone) but for the most part, there's one category that best describes what kind of dryness or oiliness your face has.
We'll walk you through a few simple steps to help determine which category fits you best:
Normal skin has small pores and is not overly oily or dry.
Normal skin has small pores and is not overly oily or dry. It looks and feels healthy, smooth, firm, and even.
In normal skin, the sebaceous (oil) glands are active but not overactive. They produce adequate amounts of natural oils to keep the skin soft, smooth, supple, hydrated (moisture-rich), and protected. The surface cells under the top layer of the epidermis are tightly packed together like tiles on a roof. They form a barrier that keeps moisture in and environmental pollutants out.
Normal skin has an even tone with few blemishes or blotches.
Oily skin is often shiny and prone to blackheads, whiteheads and pimples.
People with oily skin often have large pores as well, which can become clogged with dirt and oil that can lead to blackheads and whiteheads.
Oily skin also makes people more prone to pimples and acne because dead skin cells mix with the oil and clog the pores. That's why it's important for people with oily skin to cleanse their face regularly.
Experts generally agree that your diet doesn't affect how much oil your body produces, though it might make you break out if you're eating too many greasy foods.
Treatments for oily skin include:
cleansing the face regularly.
moisturizing regularly to keep the glands from producing too much oil,
exfoliating,
using a mask,
changing pillowcases frequently
Combination skin means you have different kinds of skin on your face — for example, oily T-zone and dry cheeks.
Most people have combination skin, which means you have different kinds of skin on your face — for example, oily T-zone and dry cheeks.
You may have oily skin around your nose, forehead and chin, with dry skin on your cheeks and around your eyes.
Your skin type can change with age, as you get older you may produce less oil and your skin may become drier.
Dry skin is flaky, scaly or rough. It might be itchy or irritated because of its dryness.
Dry skin is flaky, scaly or rough. It might be itchy or irritated because of its dryness. Dry skin is common in older people, who may have a natural tendency to lose moisture more easily. Dry skin can also be caused by washing too often or using harsh soaps that remove the natural oils from your skin. You're more likely to get dry if you live in a cold, dry climate with low humidity levels.
Sensitive skin needs special care because it reacts adversely to some products that aren't a problem for other skin types.
If you have sensitive skin, taking care of it is not as straightforward as simply using products that work well for you. You need special care because your skin will react negatively to some ingredients and products that may be okay for other skin types. It’s important to always use gentle products and avoid those with fragrances. Every day, use sunscreen, moisturizers and gentle cleansers in order to keep your skin hydrated and prevent irritation.
Knowing your skin type will help you take better care of your skin.
Considering your skin type is an important part of choosing the right skincare products. Knowing your skin type will also help you to avoid triggers that make your skin problems worse.
Skin type is genetic. You are born with it, and you may notice that all the women in your family have similar personal experiences with their skin. Skin can also change as you age or because of environmental factors such as stress or the weather. For example, you may have dry skin now but oily in the summer months when your sebaceous glands are more active. Or, if you have sensitive skin, going through a stressful period might cause a flare-up. Our skin tends to change over time so regularly "checking in" with your skin and adjusting your routine and products accordingly will keep you on the right track in obtaining healthy skin.
With love,
When it comes to beauty, there's a lot of debate about what's worth spending money on and what isn't.
The beauty industry is massive and is constantly developing new products that promise to make our lives easier, more attractive and glamorous. But with so many products available, how do we know which ones are worth the price tag?
Whether you're looking for something affordable or high-end, here are some pros and cons of each type of product:
Affordable Beauty Pros: Affordable beauty products tend to be more accessible than their high-end counterparts. They're also usually cheaper in general, making them an easy way to get more bang for your buck! Affordable products are also great for those who are just getting into the world of beauty. With so many options out there, it can be hard to know where to start. Affordable products allow you to experiment without feeling like you're spending too much money.
Affordable Beauty Cons: Some people prefer paying a little extra for premium quality. While affordable beauty products may be less expensive upfront, they can end up costing you more in the long run because they don't last as long or perform as well as pricier alternatives.
High-End Beauty Pros: High-end beauty products are usually more expensive than their affordable counterparts. However, they're often better quality and can last longer than cheaper options. For example, some high-end makeup brands contain fewer ingredients than their drugstore counterparts, which means there's less chance of irritation or allergies developing as a result of using them.
High-End Beauty products also tend to have a higher concentration of active ingredients and other beneficial compounds, which can make them more effective than their less expensive counterparts. For example, some high-end face masks are formulated with ingredients like charcoal or green tea, both of which are known for their ability to draw out impurities from the skin.
High-End Beauty Cons: While it's true that some high-end beauty products contain fewer ingredients than their drugstore counterparts, they're also typically more expensive. So, if you're on a budget, opting for a cheaper product may be a better choice. In addition, not all of the claims made by high-end beauty brands are necessarily backed up by scientific evidence—and sometimes those claims can even be misleading. So, while it's true that a product's price doesn't always correlate to its quality, it's important to be mindful of what you're buying.
How to Choose Between High-End and Drugstore Products: If you're trying to decide whether or not a high-end beauty product is worth the money, ask yourself these questions: Why do I want this product? What kind of results am I looking for? Can I get those same results with a cheaper alternative? Read lots of reviews before you buy a product and be sure to check out reviews of the cheaper alternatives as well. If a product seems too good to be true, it probably is. Don't fall for marketing hype—try before you buy!
XO,
African American skincare and beauty is often overlooked by mainstream media, but it's time for us to put our best face forward. It’s time for us to celebrate our beautiful, melanin-rich skin. It's time for us to join together in the fight against colorism and all of its many facets, including beauty standards and how they affect women of color. This is the time for us to celebrate our beauty and honor our heritage. It’s time for us to be proud of who we are, where we come from and what makes us different.
Black skin has long been a source of pride and beauty for African Americans, and there are many misconceptions about how to take care of it. We want to set the record straight on what it means to have black skin and how you can make sure your skin stays healthy, radiant, and full of life. Black skin is beautiful, and it’s just as important to take care of as any other type of skin. Unfortunately, mainstream skincare doesn’t always cater to our needs. Many companies don’t consider the unique needs of black skin when developing their products—and that means many African Americans are left with products that don’t work for them. Black skin is a unique asset, and it’s important to take care of it. There are certain things you should know about black skin and how to take care of it.
What is Black Skin?
Black skin refers to any shade of dark brown or brown-to-black pigmentation that occurs naturally in people of African descent. It's also called "melanin-rich" due to its high concentration of melanin (a natural pigment). This pigment produces your unique color and protects your hair from UV light damage.
Why is Black Skin Important?
Black skin is important because it helps protect us against sun damage by absorbing harmful rays before they reach our fragile skin cells. While all humans need some form of protection from UV light exposure, those with darker complexions tend to burn more easily than those with lighter ones—especially in areas where there's less melanin present (e.g., face/forehead).
African Americans have a unique skin type. They tend to have more melanin than other races, which means they have darker skin and can experience more hyperpigmentation than other races. This can be due to genetics or environmental factors such as sun exposure or pollution. Skin color for African Americans can be a bit complicated and therefore skincare is sometimes overlooked. Health concerns such as hyper-pigmentation, hydration, and sensitivity should be taken into consideration while also taking into account environmental factors such as acne, fine lines/wrinkles, and dryness. As with any product or ingredient that you are introducing to your body, it is critical to know what works best for your unique skin type.
Skin cancer is a major concern for people of color. According to the Skin Cancer Foundation, men who are African American have the highest incidence rate of melanoma, at 43 percent higher than white men. In addition, women who are African American have double the risk of melanoma when compared with white women. The melanin particles protect your body by absorbing harmful UV rays before they reach your cells, but there is still a small chance that some rays will pass through undamaged by melanin and cause damage if they're not protected enough by sunscreen or other preventative measures like staying out of direct sunlight when possible, during peak hours (10am-4pm).
Even if your skin isn’t dark, you can still get melanoma and other types of skin cancer. The risk is slightly lower in people with darker complexions, but it's not a guarantee that they won't develop the disease.
How to Protect Your Skin from the Sun
-Wear sunscreen with an SPF of 15 or higher.
-Wear protective clothing: hats, long sleeves and pants.
-Seek shade whenever possible. The risk of melanoma is also increased in people with a history of sunburns, especially if they were younger than 18 years old when they experienced their first sunburn.
It's important to note that these are just general guidelines and not everyone will experience the same levels of risk. The increase in melanin production is not the only way that your body reacts when you're exposed to UV radiation. Sun damage can also cause changes in the elasticity of your skin and a breakdown of collagen, resulting in wrinkles, fine lines and sagging. The UV rays from the sun are also thought to contribute to further development of skin cancer as well as other health conditions such as premature aging and cataracts.
It's very important that African American women tend to their skin in a manner consistent with the harshness of their environment. There are many ways to take care of our skin such as: use sunscreen, drinking plenty of water, do not purge your skin from its natural oils, avoid direct sun exposure and much more. The first step is to take inventory of your individual skin needs and concerns and then take action by seeing your local esthetician/dermatologist for an individualized treatment or prevention plan but also educate yourself on how what you use on the inside and out affects the quality, health and appearance of your skin.
Have you ever felt compelled to do something but didn’t know what to do or where to start? That was me in 2016. I felt an overwhelming desire to start a business, something I knew God had called me to do but I didn’t know how to do it. I saw everything in my mind so clearly and in my naive way of thinking I absolutely thought that, “if I built it, they would come.”
I researched a few things and did everything I thought I was supposed to do, including emptying my savings 😬. I was excited! Long story short, it bombed. I counted it at the time as a complete and utter failure. “I’m done with this!” is what I would rehearse to myself but that nagging feeling and vision of a thriving business wouldn’t go away. It frustrated me. How dare God put this on my heart and show me this but not let it work? Silly, right? I know.
In my mind I was a failure. I had failed. Not the business, but me. Why was I willing to be so hard on myself with something that was beyond my control? That question opened my eyes to the years of personal abuse I attached to myself when anything in my life didn’t go right or as planned. It also opened doors to events in my life I had buried. I realized that I was about to journey into everything in my life I wanted to forget. The past two years of my life were hard. I had to face things I didn’t want to face but how could I be used without first being broken? I needed to understand why I was the way I was or why I acted the way I acted and as eye opening as it was it was also devastating for me mentally and emotionally. That decline affected me spiritually. Giving up seemed like the only pathway to peace but I knew I couldn’t. “Keep going...even if you have to crawl,” is what I’d tell myself. The path to get here was paved with a lot of tears, a little prayer and clinically diagnosed depression and anxiety pills.
Understand this, failing in any area can actually be the drive you need for a complete life or mindset makeover but only if you don’t give up. Wait awhile and when the opportunity again presents itself fight fear with faith and try again. 💋
Why is it that everything everyone else is doing seems so much more superior to what we’re doing? How often are we 100% content with our lives and our portions? I have a bad habit of changing my ways, patterns and ideals to those of other people because I feel like they're doing it better. In reality, that's not true because what’s “better” or working for them isn’t necessarily what it’s going to take to work for me.
Some comparison is inevitable especially in this age of social media. If I’m not careful I can spend hours scrolling through Instagram becoming ungrateful for what I have and complaining about what I don’t. I know I’m not the only one. That’s why cultivating an attitude of gratitude is important and so is setting your own goals and diligently working on those. I find that the less time you spend idle the more time you actually have to get things done. It’s literally called a “trap” for a reason. You spiral out of control with incessant competing and trying to measure up or be better than. The only reward you get in return is misery, exhaustion and low self-esteem. None of those benefits are worth it. The best thing you can do for yourself when your mind or thoughts begin to wander is to remember your specific assignment. What are you specifically supposed to be doing? Even if it is the same thing as someone else there’s something about your attachment to it that automatically makes it different.
Over and over this week alone I've seen little signs and reminders that I should be authentic and that the only person I need to mimic is God. How hurtful to God must it be to see His children trying to be like others? What must that say to him? Every time I think about it, it convicts me and I'm glad. I would be so hurt to see my kids trying to be like the kids at their school whom they perceive is better? I would be devastated that they felt they aren't good enough to measure up. I imagine that's how God feels. I constantly tell my kids to be themselves, so I need to see this thing in the spiritual and accept my own advice. We have a very real enemy who doesn't want us living or being our authentic selves because he knows we'd be even more of a threat to his kingdom. We owe it to God to be all that he called and created us to be. He made you unique for a reason, rest in it. 💋
None of us are immune from witnessing change in our own lives or in the lives of others. Change is constant and inevitable. Who wants to remain stagnant anyway? We make it easy on ourselves by accepting that fact. Our ability to let go of the need to control, giving up the insistence that things have to be a certain way is a courageous gift of freedom
It's also the perfect atmosphere for God to move freely in your life. Letting go frees you up to see life for what it really is, a journey. You learn to appreciate the moment or moments for what they are.
Ecclesiastes 3:12-13 says, 'So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God." Our lives on this earth are short. Don't waste time focusing on things you can't change. Let go, pray and flow with the One who holds it all.
Once a dear friend of mine and I were discussing the issues of God’s perfect will and His permissive will. We all know as believers that many of us we are programmed to say, “God not my will but yours be done”, and that is good but is it truly what we want? My friend asked what the difference is between the two wills and if God honors the permissive actions. I believe that God does honor our motives and our intentions but when having this discussion the thought of the Oscars came to my mind. How often do we hear of famous celebrities or big-time movie stars being approached by famous designers, for big events such as the Oscars or other awards programs, expressing desire to create a completely original dress or suit specifically and uniquely for him or her? This is referred to as a designer original.
The dress or suit is made to fit the exact measurements of the person’s body. The color is usually extremely complimentary or in the star’s favorite color. It is something created in the mind of the designer specifically for one person. No one else is the inspiration for this piece. It is just for the person that the designer wishes to dress. If a designer does not seek out a celebrity to design for then boutiques will offer to loan dresses and jewels to the stars for them to wear. These dresses and suits give honor and representation to the designer but not quite like the designer original.
When thinking about God’s will for our lives, we have two options. We can listen and choose the designer original; the destiny that he has formed and created just for us. No one else was on his mind when he planned our futures. It is made to fit our exact measurements emotionally, physically, socially, spiritually, and personally. It is just for us. There are also things, like the dresses on loan, that God will allow us to have and they are beautiful and they are good but not ours, exclusively. These things too will be honored but they do not demonstrate the intricacy and specialization that the one made specifically for you does. I heard a song once that, “life is woven day by day into a new design of the glory God displays, on the canvas of creation through the poem of history in a pattern of redemption flowing through the tapestry; your life in Christ can be the greatest story ever told”. Isn’t it amazing to know that in the grand scheme of things God cares enough to take the time to form and create a life, a ministry, a marriage, a calling, a friendship, a job, a family, etc., all just for you? Listen for God’s voice and allow yourself the opportunity to experience and see yourself as a DESIGNER ORIGINAL with a unique destiny designed by God’s hand.
Guest post by Tiffany Anderson
Instagram: @epiphaniestna